Harriet’s Story
I suffered from postnatal depression for 18 months with my first child, although I didn’t realise it properly until it started to lift.
It was only when I smiled at something he did and felt the emotion behind it that I understood what I had been going through. Outwardly, everything looked the same, the bond, the facial expressions, the care, but inside, I didn’t feel it. No one saw anything different.
At the same time, I was living with PTSD from my time in the military and chronic fatigue syndrome (ME), which is isolating in itself. I couldn’t just go out or join in with things easily, because there was always the consequence of not having the energy afterwards to look after my child or manage the home. Everything became a careful balance.
We had also moved away from the village where I had built up a support network over ten years. My friends were scattered across the country and beyond, and while they were there on the phone, I didn’t have practical support nearby. My husband works long, rotating shifts, so there were times when I felt very much on my own. Some weeks, the only adult I would speak to, aside from my parents or husband, was my volunteer.
That loneliness was overwhelming at times. Being a new parent can already feel isolating, but without a strong support network around me, it was even more so. There were moments when just having someone to talk to, someone outside of my immediate circle, made a huge difference.
When I became pregnant with my second child, I knew I didn’t want the same experience again. I was referred to Home-Start before I gave birth, because I was at high risk of postnatal depression. Having that support in place from the beginning changed everything.
My volunteer has supported me week in, week out for nearly five years. What that support looks like has varied, because my needs have varied. Sometimes it was practical, helping with washing, playing with the children, or giving me space to rest when the fatigue was too much. Other times, it was simply sitting with me, having a cup of tea and a conversation.
There were times when I didn’t have the energy to function, and being able to go upstairs for an hour to sleep, knowing my children were safe and engaged, made an enormous difference. It also meant my children had someone to play with, to engage with them and support their development, rather than being left in front of screens while I tried to cope.
The social side mattered too. The Home-Start group was a place I could come to whenever I was able, without pressure or judgement. It was welcoming, flexible and understanding of my situation, which made it easier to overcome that sense of isolation.
The support from Home-Start has been invaluable. Without them, my children and I would have been in a much darker place. My volunteer has been a lifeline, providing a listening ear, compassion and consistent support. When I didn’t have a strong network around me, Home-Start helped stave off the loneliness that comes with being a new parent.
Looking back, the difference between my first experience and my second is clear. I still faced challenges, but I wasn’t facing them alone.
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